GOODBYE TO MY BEST FRIEND
My grievance councillor just advised me to try and write down my feelings, even though I still have no clue how it will end;
I feel so lost and alone in this world, as I just had to say
Goodbye to my best friend.
I am told writing can expel your demons, but where to begin, I guess the best place would be the start;
I have just learnt that life can be so cruel sometimes, as in my chest beats a fragile broken heart.
I close my eyes as this pen hits the page, memories rewinding backwards printing the bigger picture of my life;
The flashing stops on the summer of ’95, the very first time I met the angel who would be my future wife.
I remember staring across the dance floor, as her smile convinced me to believe in love at first sight;
From that very moment my life changed, I had finally caught my guiding light.
After a whirlwind romance we were married in the following July;
Tears are falling from my eyes as I write this, as I am once again reminded of our goodbye.
Years spent together, two halves now glued forever as one;
Each morning our love was reignited, as we sat holding hands watching the rising sun.
She was my inspiration, my entire world, she simply completed my reflection;
If my past had left me for dead,
Then she was responsible for my resurrection.
Each day the skies are still illuminated, but the sun has simply lost its shine;
I no longer have a use for my calendar or watch, as I have lost all sense of time.
It is no comfort knowing that you are now sitting in the arms of an angel, as I selfishly only care about you being here with me;
Counselling doesn’t seem to be helping, as people explain grief is a lock and I have to somehow use this pen as the key.
We didn’t even get a second chance of happiness, as one night you were here then the next I was alone;
I sat crying on the floor constantly ringing your mobile, as all I kept listening to was the voicemail message you had left on your phone.
Why on that day didn’t I break our routine, all it would have taken was the smallest change in our daily pattern;
But as always you left for work at 07:30, on Tuesday the 11th of September 2001, as the sun rose across our home in lower Manhattan.
If I knew then what your destiny had in store for you I would have held you back, I would have grabbed your legs as you dragged me across the ground;
But instead you kissed me whilst whispering your goodbye, as through our house still echoes out your last sound.
It was my first day off work in weeks so I relaxed with a book in our rooftop garden, I was reading about a poet from the U.K who had a
Destiny to write;
Just then I got a text from my wife, I remember it read,
“HI DARLING, GOT TO WORK OKAY, I CANT WAIT TO SEE YOU AGAIN TONIGHT”.
From my garden I can see her office, sat up high on the 94th floor of the world trades north facing tower;
Just as I was about to text my reply, a huge plane roared over my head so loud it made me drop my phone and cower.
My heart drops along with my tears, as I watch the plane move closer towards my love I beg helplessly to skies “NO PLEASE”;
But before I could finish that prayer the plane smashes straight into my wife’s floor, as an overwhelming explosion of heartbreak brings me crashing to my knees.
Through my petrified teary eyes I see thick black smoke filled with dreams drift up and into heaven;
To me it was the day part of me died, but to you all it’s now known simply as 9/11.
My grievance councillor advised me to try and write down my feelings, but as I enter this last verse my grief is no closer to the end;
I still feel so lost and alone in this world, but no words can ever bring her back, so maybe I should just be writing
Goodbye to my best friend.
BARRY MOWLES ©2011