MY ONLY FRIEND (PART ONE)
The tears are flooding down across my face,
Why is life so empty and cruel?
Today is my 13th birthday, but all I can think about is those evil bullies from school.
I try to dry my eyes as my Mum walks into my room, bringing me breakfast in bed;
She sings me happy birthday, before softly kissing my forehead.
On the outside I try to smile, but on the inside I am screaming for her help, but she hasn’t got a clue;
I try to somehow find the courage to tell her, but instead my lips just tremble out “Mum….I love you”.
She blows me a kiss before walking away, shouting back for me to hurry as school starts in an hour and she doesn’t want me to be late;
My waiting tears start to once again fall, as I am trapped living in an inescapable fate.
Dear diary, please help me, you are my only friend, but these pages never send me a reply;
The bullies said yesterday if I ever come back to school then I was going to die.
Fat face, smelly clothes, they call me dirty just because of the colour of my skin;
I guess they are right, they are all so pretty with blonde hair, nice clothes, really popular and thin.
They always trip me over in the school yard, everybody laughs, and nobody cares when they see me cry;
Each night I sit weeping these tears of ink into my diary, asking the same question, why?
I stand staring at my ugly reflection as I get changed, my Mum shouting from downstairs that I only have 5 minutes before we leave;
The walls around me start to cave in, and my palms begin to sweat as I struggle to even breathe.
I swallow the lump in my throat, wipe my eyes and prepare myself for the day;
My lips tremble out “okay Mum, 2 seconds and we will be on our way”.
The whole journey to school I keep trying to tell my Mum the truth, but she is so happy, talking about parties and how all of my family are coming over later for my birthday tea;
Why can’t she just look into my eyes, as they are screaming out for her to help me.
We pull up to the school gates, my Mum kisses my cheek whilst saying “I love you baby”, I have to bite my lip so that I do not cry;
I open the car door as I whisper back “goodbye”.
My Mum pulls away, I see the bullies waiting in the school yard, staring across the road as I stand crying in the rain;
I turn and run sprinting blindly across roads, through parks until my tired legs give way to the pain.
I turn and look back, nobody is there I am all alone, my tears are overwhelming my face now and all I want to do is die;
I take off my scarf as I look towards the heavens, I wish my Mummy was here so that I could explain and say a better goodbye.
I tie one end of my scarf to the lowest branch, and I make a tight noose at the other end;
I place this letter alongside my diary at the base of the tree, and as my lips turn a dark shade of blue I whisper out goodbye to my only friend.
BARRY MOWLES ©2012
MY ONLY FRIEND (PART TWO)
Today is my Daughters 13th birthday, I want to make it special as it’s the first since her Father said that his love for us had come to an end;
I try to stay strong on the outside even though my heart is broken, my Daughter is now my only friend.
I dry my lonely tears as I walk upstairs to take my Daughter a special breakfast in bed;
I sing her happy birthday, before softly kissing her forehead.
Her beautiful face shines the most amazing smile, tears of joy fill her eyes, my life should no longer matter, I just want to make all of her dreams come true;
My heart begins to melt as I hear her whisper, “Mum….I love you”.
I blow her a kiss and turn away before shouting back, “eat up quickly, school starts in an hour and you don’t want to be late”;
I can tell she misses her Father, but life is too short to dwell on the past telling your dreams that they will have to wait.
I have so much to do today as I am arranging a birthday party for my baby girl, no expense spared, I will do anything to make her happy no matter what the cost;
I cannot afford to be depressed and worry about all of those years I may have wasted and lost.
I stand looking at my incomplete reflection as I shout “BABY, WE ONLY HAVE 5 MINUTES BEFORE WE HAVE TO LEAVE”;
I wonder what my destiny has in store for me next, no doubt it will have yet another trick hidden up its sleeve.
I silently argue with my reflection, “put a smile on that face, this moment in time isn’t about you, this is your Daughters special day”;
A voice echoes down from her bedroom “give me 2 seconds Mum and we will be on our way”.
The whole journey to school I pretend to be so happy as I explain how all of our family are coming over after school for her special birthday tea;
These past few months I have been so selfish, as all I have really thought about was me.
We pull up to the school gates, I lean over kissing her softly on the cheek, as I say “I love you baby” a tiny smile creeps onto her face, she is so timid and shy;
She opens the door, glances back and whispers out “goodbye”.
Back home in a flash, I have a birthday party to organize and there is so much to do;
I wonder if this rain will ever clear up before the guests arrive, the skies are grey but I can see the sun trying desperately to break through.
After hours of baking cakes and blowing up balloons I finally finish right on time, as I hear “KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK” echoing from my front door;
I am so excited my baby is home I almost drop her birthday cake on the floor.
As I walk down the hallway I shout with excitement “Baby, did you forget your key”;
But as I open the door I experience a life changing moment that would forever alter my destiny.
3 policemen are stood in the doorway asking if they can come in;
My heart starts to fall as Goosebumps start to completely cover my skin.
Over their shoulders I can see my family walking towards me with sad faces and red eyes, I can tell each one of them has cried;
My trembling lips whisper out “what’s the matter”, as one policeman says “it’s about your Daughter, I am so sorry but she has died”.
The heavens open, my stomach twists into knots as I crash helplessly down to my knees;
I scream into the falling rain, “Tell me this isn’t true, please”.
I lay broken on the floor as my family try to console me, her life had only just started, and she was too young for this to be the end;
How can I say goodbye to my life,
And how can I say goodbye to my only friend.
BARRY MOWLES ©2012